The Tell-Tale Donut
by scuderia tifosi
Summary: After a wild night of partying, Soos wakes up to find Dipper asleep with a donut. A parody of SpongeBob SquarePants' The Donut of Shame. Set after Blendin's Game.


**All rights belong to their respective owners.**

One morning, right before dawn, in a room in the Mystery Shack, an overweight adult wearing a brown baseball cap, a green-grey t-shirt with a question mark and a pair of shorts was asleep, as if he had passed out or something. He suddenly came to. "Wha...? What happened? Where am I!?" He then crawled backwards and looked at the mess all around him. "Oh yeah, the party!" he chuckled. "I must've passed out in the kitchen... on the ceiling." He then fell out and right into a chair. "See, Dipper, I told you we shouldn't stay up past 8:30. Things get real crazy after 8:30!" He then remembered what happened the previous night, at 8:35.

 _Mabel and Soos were having a tea party. She was wearing a pink gummy koala sweater and a blue-grey derby hat with a purple hat-band, from the time she made her guide to fashion. Waddles was seated next to her at the table._

 _"Would you like another spot of tea, Waddles?" He snorted. "Oh, you would?" She then poured some tea into a cup._

 _"Whooooo!" Soos then chanted, "Cha-mo-mile! Cha-mo-mile! Cha-mo-mile!"_

"Oh, she really knows how to pound 'em down, huh, Dipper?" Then Soos heard some heavy breathing from the living room. He saw a prepubescent male, with messy brown hair, sound asleep on the couch. He was wearing a pine tree trucker cap, a navy blue hooded vest with a orange-pink shirt and blue-grey shorts. Soos tried to wake him up. "Dipper? Dipper? Dip-" He noticed a donut on Dipper's left hand. "That's a good lookin' donut... Wow..." He chuckled and then tried to to run off with it but Dipper's arm recoiled and Soos got pulled back. "This donut's connected to Dipper! Oh..." He then took the donut off Dipper's hand. "It worked!" He chuckled and then ran off to his room with it.

* * *

"A beautiful specimen of donut-hood. A donut this nice deserves to be served on fine china!" Soos then opened up a cupboard, revealing a single plate on the top shelf. "The good plate." He took the plate and went to the table with it. "Don't worry, donut. No longer will you suffer the indignity of sub-par dinnerware!" He place the donut on the plate and got a fork and a knife. "I don't think I've ever seen a donut this nice before..." Soos was going to eat it but he stopped. "Except maybe that donut Dipper showed me last night..."

"A donut this nice could really make a guy happy!" said Dipper in a delirious manner, before he slumped onto the couch.

Soos gasped. "This is Dipper's delicious..." He put it in his mouth. "Wai... I 'ant eat 'is 'onut...!" he spoke with his mouth full, before removing it. Then two semi-antromorphic donuts poofed onto his shoulders. A white one with sprinkles on his right and a red one on his left. Soos wondered where they came from and how did this even happen, but since this is Gravity Falls, such things are to be expected.

"Go on and eat it." said the red donut. "What are you waiting for?"

"Don't do it! It's Dipper's donut!"

"Don't listen to him, he's covered in sprinkles."

"...I hate conflicts!" said Soos.

"It couldn't get any easier than this. Just hook a chain to it," and the red donut proceeded to do so. "pop it in your mouth, and then when your nerd friend wants it back just yank it out."

"I hate to admit it, but that's a great idea!" and the donuts poofed out.

Soos then ate the donut and chuckled. His stomach then rumbled. "And now..." he took out the chain but the donut was gone. "Dipper's donut, I ate it!" he coughed it up and barfed it out. "I've gotta sneak this back into Dipper's hand before he-" his phone then rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Soos." said Mabel in the twins' room. She was in her floppy disk shirt.

Soos panicked. "Aahh!"

"Hey, Soos. It's Mabel. That was some party last night, huh, buddy?"

"Aahhh!"

"That's exactly how I feel about it. Ahhh! I videotaped the whole party so we can relive it over and over and over again."

"Ah, don't watch that tape..!"

"Dipper's waiting to watch it with you, Sillyfish! He'll be right over." She put down the phone. "Sheesh, Soos's so excited. I better not keep him waiting!"

"Oh, no... that video will show me taking Dipper's donut..! Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, eee, eee! I gotta hide this thing." He tried hiding it under a picture of him and Dipper but it fell out. Soos gasped and took it, He tried to hide the donut in the lamp but the light that shone on the ceiling revealed the shadow of the donut. Soos took it out, even as Dipper left his room, fully dressed and headed towards Soos' room, Soos ran around in his room in frantic desperation before hiding the donut under the rug. "Whew..." He fell backwards onto his couch as a realization dawned upon him. "Oh..." He imagined Dipper walking in and stepping on the donut.

 _"Hey, Soos, I-" a squishing sound was heard. He gasped. "Donut! You monster...! You monster!"_

Soos gasped, got up and took the donut and placed it in the toaster but he then imagined Dipper again. _"Nothing goes with a video like toast, Let's pop some toast in the toaster and watch this bad boy!"_ Soos screamed and took it out of the toaster, but the donut was hot. "Ow, hot, hot, hot, ow!" He then tossed it into the toilet in desperation. It was when he realized that Dipper might want to use the bathroom.

 _"Get out of the way, Soos, I gotta go!"_

Soos then realized something. "The attic!" he proclaimed, as Dipper walked closer to his room. Soos then ran up the stairs, which turned out to be imaginary, before a thought entered his mind. "Wait..." He panted, "I don't have access to the attic!" He then fell back down, "Ahhhh!" He landed on the floor, immediately forgot what just happened, and got up. "Oh... OOH! I know! The attic." He got up the phamtomine steps and fell. "AHHHHH!" He landed and got up again.

"Hey, Soos!" said Dipper as he entered Soos' room.

"Ah! H-hey, Dipper."

"Are you ready to-"

"I don't have anything behind my back! So... don't look there!" said Soos as he stuffed the donut into his back pocket.

"Ok... No problem. Ready to see this?" He took out the tape as Soos's eyes shrunk in horror. "The official testament of how heartily we party... hardy?" said Dipper as he put the tape in the VCR and was about to press the play button but Soos stopped him.

"No!" He broke down. "I took it, Dipper! I took your donut...! I'm sorry!"

"Oh, Soos! You really need to watch the tape!" He pressed the play button, and the video started playing. It revealed Dipper sitting on a couch, holding a donut, swaying around in a delirious manner. "I wanna give you this, because you're my buddy and... A donut this nice could really make a guy happy..." He then slumped on the couch. Shortly after, the video went into static. Dipper then stopped the tape.

"You mean..." He took the donut out from his pocket. "This is mine?"

"Of course! It was your tenth year of working at the Mystery Shack!"

"...When?"

"Last night, silly!"

"Oh... Thanks! Hey, wanna share it?" said Soos as he split the donut into two.

"Sure." Both then ate their halves of the donut but Dipper stopped chewing because of the taste.

"Yeah, Pretty good, huh?"

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